Sunday, November 29, 2009

i JUST had my mind torn apart

Fucking Shit! This month really needs to be over
When people are really passionate about things they emit this intense amount of love. It's pure energy you can feel warping around you when you're near them. And then when they focus that intense passion and energy to you, it's something greater than even love can describe.
I don't think I've felt this kind of loving passion since I met travis... and before that Corey... and to feel it now, at this point in my life.. I didn't think was possible. After you try so many times, people can become desensitized to such passion. I felt like I could have been drifting to this dark side of pretending not to feel just so I won't feel so much.
So I feel I risked a lot last night. Certain emotional inhibitions were ignorred inspite of the fleetingness of his presence around me. Who knows how long or when or how this would last. I'd like to leave it at this so that I can keep this momentary bliss in the forefront and anything emotionally scarring far in the distance. Leave tomorrow so I can go on and continue to wonder. You wrapped me in something so comfortable I can hardly stand to ignore the influence in my life from you, already, so soon, so simple.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Shaun Bass, Steven Meisel, and Italian Vogue on Chanel

Some one is taking good cues from the British underground scene.
I'm just saying, Bass has been on this tip for a minute now... check out his awesome cross pendants! for sale in local British shops, you too can have this look!!

I've talked fabrics with Shaun before and I feel like an idiot for putting two and two together this late into the season... but it's not even 2010 yet, so I could be doing better than others.
Any way this post in appreciation to Karl Laggerfield, Shaun Bass, and Steven Meisel for shooting this great set in Italia Vogue Oct 2009, TOO SHY SHY.... HUSH HUSH


I can't wait for this month to be over, I'm striving for too much as it is. I'm throwing myself tiny distractions to keep from truly focusing on one thing.
I was driving home from the farm house last night. I think I was listening to the Juan Maclean. I had taken a wrong turn and got lost in the woods on this big looping drive. It was Fishtrap Ln or something like that. I seriously thought Olympia had sucked my soul out and I was in limbo on my way to hell.
I threw out all the mushrooms i had today. i DONT think Ive ever done that. but it felt right.
I eventually emerged from the depths of forest back onto familiar paths and made my way home. I wanted to call David Lynch and tell him all about it.
There's something about this mad man. He's truly passionate, I can tell he feels things whole heartedly. In a strange contrast its probably why I could never be with him. But maybe I could. Maybe I just need my own farm, I'll ranch beats and bass speakers. I had this crazy fantasy that he let me photograph him slaughtering an animal and something along the lines of the witching scene from the Jim Morrrison Door's movie occured next.
Olivia and I were talking about the future prospect of my vegetarianism.. I've been feeling that way a lot more lately. Just the unnecessity of eating meat. And then when I consider Andy's way of life I think I'd only eat meat that he killed for me.

I could dedicate it all to you


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Maya Hayuk vs. Ray-Ban

This lady's really opened my mind when it comes to art and colours.
I think I will wear these sunglasses she made with ray-ban to further open my eyes
Here is one of her older pieces but definately one of the first to catch my eye and stick with me

Monday, November 23, 2009

They say everyone is dying 'round here

Early in the summer it was those two junkie kids. I didn't know them well, but everyone I knew well did.
Then this boy on cocaine and mushrooms jumping from the bridge. Well, no one expected that. Except maybe the people who gave him the shit. They even said that would be the last festival because of not enough public support. Maybe the finality of things got to that kid and he realized no more festival, no more life. Eventually any living organizm not nurtured enough dies. The truth is, in that neighborhood, if you're not expecting some one to let life get the better of them, you're not paying attention. Every year since living there, I lost some one I knew or remotely knew.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


the golden filter

Dreams and drugs

I had a dream in which i was pursuing an interested lover...
In this dream my mom was telling me to do something too..
I was cleaning my room..
I found old small glass prescription bottles that I used to to store weed and cocaine in..
I opened a bottle up and a fumey cloud of smokey residue lifted from the jar....
I blew at the top of the cloud to whisp it out further....
These jars were overflowing with this mix of gas...
I decided to inhale from the jar, and like an over flown bong, the smoke just kept rising.
I kept inhaling...
Appearantly, when mixed with the fresh air, the residue left from the weed and coke turned into this chronic mixed up drug gas between weed smoke and crack smoke...
I stood in the forest of trees between the picador house and the neighbors to hide from the rest of responsibilities of the day...
yes even in my dreams I am still a drug addict...

Friday, November 20, 2009

Sonic Youth - UNWIND

Lay down your lucky hand, upon her heart
Morning becomes a kite, tangled up in stars
Laugh in the midday light, and leave - it behind
Move out into his sundry eyes, and sing, unwind

Hang down your lucky head, a sign to time
Morning becomes the sun, for the dandy line
Sooner than the midday light, we leave behind
Love is out into the sundry light, you sing, unwind

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Shady Lane Art Jam feat. DIANA HARTMAN!!! ATX!!!!

Artists - James Whitmire, Carie Lawrence, Lynne Maphies, Leah Haney, Sharon Hartman, Diana Hartman, Michiel Persyn, Todd Mein, Stacey Yates, Shelley Yates, John Paul, Megan Hoover

Music - Miles Zuniga, Eric Archer, Destroyed for Comfort, x=x, Abby Birds, Miss Jackson and random noise bursts in between sets from Shady Lane Studios resident sound team - Justin Sherburn, Lauren Gurgiolo, and Hugh Lobel.
Saturday, 21 November 2009

12:00 - 19:00

Airport Blvd. and Bolm Road

1109A Shady Lane 78721
Austin, TX



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Where the Wild THINGs RAWR!

I'm watching this movie based on a book i read maybe twenty-some years ago. There was something in that story, and in the illustrations. It was profound inspiration for the first story I ever wrote. It's really interesting to experience the story again, in such a form of translation. It echos experiences I'm learning in the Acts of Translation class. It echos all the small things I allow to get in my way. This class is definately stretching my potential. In ways I didn't see previously. I am considering so much more carefully human relationships and their affect on me and mine on them. I am so much less careless of a heart. It makes Jacob's ignorrance seem insignifigance to mine. I saw from the beginning the exact things that took us apart.
I look at stories like these and remember my pregnancy with Travis. I was utterly convinced Love was enough to raise a child. I am well aware that children require proper education, proper nourishment, proper inspiration, proper hygiene, etc. Love is definately required, but what if a child over active imagination and like my over active imagination it hinders him from properly developing into a functional and productive adult!!!!!!!!!
Well those are definately some very real fears in life. All I can hope at this point is that my development into a properly functioning adult can be at its full capacity. All I can hope is to make the most of this grab bag full of skills and talents to call myself. And then I think about all my adventures in baby sitting and how kids have like a billion times more energy than even I, hardly an adult! And holy shit give a kid an imagination and with it's energy you'd be lucky to keep it coming home every day.

Any way.. more reasons to wait to procreate till half the planet is destroyed through apocalyptic tragedies.

And Vogue Italia OCT 2009
Is one of my favorite inspirations of the year!

I want the shoes on the right

things from my list of obsessions

The sunshine and powerlines

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Shrooming through the woods

and I tripped..
not like you'd expect. We were picking chantrels, and I lost footing while stepping over a log and bruised and scraped my left shin. Its a minor injury, something that I can't let hold me back when I wake up with arthritus in the morning. The things I put my body through... and the truth is there really is no point to it. I'm not convinced at any rate.

Monday, November 16, 2009



Woman and Child

This song is very beautiful to me, its like an epic fantasy sound track....


On Insignifigance and Constant Rain

I feel it has been raining over 24 straight hours, maybe 48 even.
I feel the rain makes me insignifigant. The rain washes away highlights of my identity.
Because the best weather proofed jacket I own looks typical.
Because my shoes are soaked through I will only wear one pair all season.
Because I'm inside hiding from the wet and cold rather than reveling out in sunshine.

I have also been looking at the signifigance I give to others in comparison to their value in my life. I look back at my experience with Jacob and realize the signifigance I gave him out weighed any signifigance he gave me. He never played music with me, like he said. He promised lots of things that ended in false hopes and ideals.
I have looked at the signifigance my ideas have when fostered in this class I'm in. I will not accept that my ideas have no signifigance. I will accept that they may come from such unvocalizable place for me that their signifigance is muddy in their medium of me.
I have also learned that my most signifigant acheivements were not fostered in school. I mean you can consider my dance education of the scholarly sort, but my work with Freneticore as well as my visual art have been completely independant from any educational establishment.
The ideas themselves and my participation hold great signifigance.

Should feeling so lost in constant rain have signifigance?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

this resonates increadibly

from the boys at that seem to take such good care of my needs.

Despite Depeche Mode's increadible ability to make me want to shake my ass.. they also seem to know what life is about

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

whether to bore you more with

my images or my words. i dread writing to my audience, because i dont make sense a lot. but thats this day and age in general.

i want to write some things on looking back, because to me, its what motivates me to keep going forward. my favorite time this summer = jason + sahahara+ linds + lake... actually the lakes were sooo nice this summer. that and the whole gathering adventure <3>

ive been listening to au revoir simone = this seasons soundtrack
i dedicate stars to olives