Thursday, December 22, 2011

classic manic

so its like, being on a wave of emotions, always up and down, the higher you rise you know there is an eventual trough equally as deep. sometimes to prevent the fall of the wave, you stay down there long enough, and you will eventually rise, but when youre on top there is a perpetual fear of falling again

Thursday, December 8, 2011

i dont understand how i can be related to so much crazy

having a very classic bipolar sleepless night kinda episode.. some one give me meds
make soft
youre gona be like god dad or something like that.. who else is goin to enstil a distaste for society so well
Any one awake right now wana go on a drive
come on dad, gimme the car tonight,
i got this girl.. i wanna..... come on dad gimme the car
who remembers driving me home, i dont remember walking
snake bite jungle juice
remember you’re still alive, keep breathing
maybe i can eat one more plate of food before i pass out
death wishes
Love is death
Love is illogical. Or maybe that's just me
feeling god in a pool hall instead of church
i am thankful for sound and poetry and paint.. and knowing that if anything at all i have a purpose to express myself so that there can be light for others who have lived in darkness
you will soon understand what it means to go with out
you go out like rip tide
I'm sick of this perpetually empty field. I miss walking on moon dust powder fluffing up around me. I miss the infinite field. I miss your hand.
the space between you and i is rainbow spectrum
i cant believe i am here now it goes beyond my concepts of breath and death
In your head in your mouth in your soul... Had to think a while
and you could have it all, my empire of dirt
i need a guitar and a fourtrack something that makes loops. and a no-wave valley that is open to be explored
I like dreaming about lizards
inconsistent sleep patterns result in consistent mirage
seam ripping and stitching back together
I want to die and go to a certain kind of phish heaven
These oysters tasted like happy oysters

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

split divide

i felt the skin split
i did not feel any pain
i stretched the muscle tight
and pulled the tendon rigid
there was a crack that deepened and stretched wider
then i felt the tingle of my nerves
i watched the blood pool in the reservoir and then flow over
the shedding of old skin cells
forcing out new tender flesh
the chamelion skin is one of rainbow flesh
holding on to you will suffocate me
in the dawn of rebirth
there is growing pain
i have never felt this tender numbness before
these are new feelings now
this sensation is a fresh breath

Saturday, December 3, 2011

i wonder if im really suppossed to be here

it was like falling asleep into a dream. 
every time i wake up im in a different place than before.
a different time, a different person. 
and when i go to bed, i dream of this consistent reality
where nothing feels right and im not really me
i can see every life i lived before
none of them carried the hurt this life carries
what did i do to make myself forget
when will i wake up from this dream and find my niche