Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

night and day with out you

the wind blew a spec of sand into my eye
and i cryed
i had lost my clear sight
the wind blew you too far away from me
and i cryed
i had lost a piece of my heart

i could not see my future with out you
in my dreams you were still there by my side
my hand still cradled by your hand

there was a dream were snow was falling all around us
as we made love upon a mountain top of great height
i knew that we were safe together
even as the snow piled around me
even as it froze my body
my heart was still with content

i woke up and in reality my heart was bleeding for some peace
it beat a discontent rattle
poison coarsed through it
and you hands were in your pocket
and mine were held alone

i dreamt that id die in your arms
i also dreamt that you left me for her
and told me to never think of you again

each morning i wake up and you are on my mind
i can hypnotize myself to think the other way
because this is torture in both reality and my dreams
in reality i can take the pain away for a short while
but in my dreams i feel 1000 years of every feeling

Saturday, August 27, 2011

to a freedom i cannot know

shake me from my stillness
i prayed for you
i prayed for a more open heart
and here i am. closing it off.
i prayed to be awakened to a different point of view
i broke everything i made to humble me
i took in my hand the seed of life
and threw it into my acid heart
burned its flesh till it became a part of me
i took from you some dream
that we could be together
and i covered it with poison
i drank the liquid left over from it
i would like to have died at that moment
but i kept living
in this pain of poison in my own heart
in this life i keep dying and i do not experience a freedom from it
when will my soul float free
when can i temper disease that is me

Friday, August 19, 2011

what does love have to do with it?

what is love? but a second hand emotion?

I remember being young and ignorrantly dumb when I decided to leave Corey for.... ?... not sure what for. For a feeling that if I could know a love so great with him at my young age, that surely I would know a love even greater. At that age you think you can contain in your brain a truly vast amount of knowledge. However, as your consciousness grows, that vessel grows infinately greater. The kinds of love I have known since Corey have been infinately greater and worse. The worse have made me forget myself, and give up on truly identifying moments in my life for some facade of their own dreams. These are insignifigant, because they are in the shadow of what truly wonderful loves I have known. Ones that teach me things about myself, things I had forgot or lost along my singular path. Ones whose paths have lay next to mine through out our journeys together. They have taught me things I did not know about the world because they can share their visions with me. They have also let me show them my visions, a comfort when such sights can be so binding. They have reminded me and led me along a path that may always be singular in nature. To trasnscend means to not give yourself to one other person. I will have to be a gift shared with all, so if one person does get my heart, the gift he will possess may be too great to bear.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

ix sei haan

may i breath openly into your consciousness
where is the dream that gives me another path way
am i to know with out you and with you in the same life
can i tell you i love you and so i must destroy
all of it
i could love you so completely but i could not forget myself
my heart remains singularly twined into itself
the knots pulled so tight
but when i close my eyes i see you looking back at me
that vision is still engrained to my memory
you stretched my dreams into an eternity i could see with in one horizon
i can see on this plain my future self and my past self
i can see where you have touched my heart
and i can see where you have let go
i cannot see beyond this

Thursday, August 4, 2011

the thorn in my paw

the thorn in my paw
it bleeds pain
with out bleeding me
i am tied to a tree
for wolves i wait
under half lit moon sky
scare up a mess of birds in my heart
flocking a pitter patter