Thursday, November 27, 2008

i spent a sufficient number of days in san francisco

get back to oly and find out people are taggin my shit. this kinda thing starts gang fight. skulk is stronger than ever and thats the real crew to worry about

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

broken pillz

some times i feel like a broken pill
loose members lay scattered about
on a glass mirror you take a part of me
and break me further so that i am
like a fine powder and with a gust
i am up through a straw and into your nose

a little bit of poemsstufff

sometimes when i wash my face

or let my head run under the shower

i feel like i am drowning

the anticipation is so much

sometimes i can hardly bring myself

to bath or to wash myself

i rode a bike yesterday and it hurt

i could never straighten my legs on the pedals

it was like a really long car ride

and you're sitting in the back seat

with the seat in front of you pushed all the way back

can't wait to get out and stretch your legs

can't wait to get off and stretch your legs

for the first time, on my walk from school today

i didn't mind the feel of the rain on my head

when it began to sprinkle i pulled my hood up

and then i pulled it down again. 

it was like god was washing me clean

everything before was different

Sunday, November 16, 2008

kooze control

its a repetitive occurance in my thought

recent favorite movies::
the heathers
resevoir dogs

here's the track listing for 11/15/08
ten pm till midnight pacific coast time

a means to an end - joy division
little black rocks in the sun - add n to (x)
gold digger - kanye west
I got a woman - ray charles
flossin - the cool kids
Live and die in LA - Tupac
26 basslines - benga
feather in my baseball cap - architecture in helsinki
dope fiend - dope fiend
casual friday - black leotard front
little bit - leif (lykki li cover)
crack town (hey champ rmx) - prairie cartel
inestable - medio mutante
2080 (brenmar rmx) - yeasayer
it's a fact (printed stained) mano rmx - matt and kim
I got a man - positive k
the energy story (original mix) - college ft minitel rose
electric feel (justice rmx) - mgmt
replay (justin faust rmx) - electric youth
i'm on fire - chromatics (bruce sprienstien cover)
chewing gum (mylo rmx) - annie
cold dust girl - hey champ
geneva gecuzzi live recording
these girls are dressed to kill (russ chimes rmx) - the out runners
kelly (breakbot rmx) - van she
this sweet love (prins thomas sneaky edit) - james yuill
zombies! - designer drugs
metalhead - miss kitten
half in love with elizabeth (foama rmx) - mystery jets
cry baby (royksopp's malselves memorabilia mix) - spiller
don't stop believing - journey

now back to watching Reservoir dogs

it's really foggy in olympia tonight!

Friday, November 14, 2008

i've been watching lots of my so called life

its like a total flash back to my life in the 90's. my adolesence. I never really watched television when i was younger. When I see shows like this now a days I kinda feel like I missed out in something. But then whatever, I'd rather have the influence ten years later.

I was walking home the other day from school and it was beginning to sprinkle. It was the end of almost a week of solid rain. I pulled my hood up and then I pulled it back down. For the first time in a while I actually wanted or liked the way the rain drops felt on my head. I think this was the monday after the annoying sunday where Abe showed back up. It felt like the rain was washing me clean. Washing my debts away, I wish literally. Washing the embarrassment of once more crying over the stupid boy. It's not like I really have interests in being with him, anymore. I just want resolution. I want him to know that he's been insulting to me. He called me sad. Like to my face, that he could see my emotions, and worse that he expected them to be over him.

I'm watching a True Life on sport bike stunt riders... AHMG! I'm still into that bike thing. especially with one wheel in the air!!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

mustache party

yea i gave some dude my fone number tonight.. and left it at that!
im trying to do more exciting and adventurous things in my life. And yes, I'm quite aware I live quite an adventurous life as it is... low and behold though, I plan to step this up! I want extraordinary, and to be honest I've only been living semi-ordinary... Not cool! . SO I plainly hit on some one tonight. gave him my number and left it at that. It's not like I wanted to do him right away. I'm well aware I'm over that part of my life. Yes, I acknowledge it's existance, but I've never been fully satisfied that way. So the likely hood that he will call is slim, but so what. I found him attractive, he really caught my eye, and that was enough for me. Diana was a great friend to go along with. I love her!!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

gnarly weather day dreams

I try to encourage the use process therapy on myself. Not that I've learned anything in particular with it, but i have been able to forgive the heart breakers faster than I would normally::::

Standing in the bathroom with you, I almost expected an intimate moment between the two of us. I should have known better. I should have anticipated the opiates on my brain. The incoherence in your voice and in my brain. I should have expected the cruel and unusual judgment you hold over me. OH! and your ability to see straight through my freekin soul!!

I was irritated by the abrupt clicking the broken toilet paper holder made each time i shifted my weight against it. I struggled to vocalize. Once or twice I had to reword my thoughts in my head. And even then what I wanted you to feel couldn't come out from my mouth. Or maybe subconsciously I really didn't want you to feel what I hoped you could feel. So I lied. I made it seem easier to accept. I have already accepted your inability to understand the kind of person I am. You see my depth but you read me so flat. Flat as the deepest part of me. You don't see the heights I've seen.

Monday, November 10, 2008

non existance, tracklisting and some crappy heart broken poetry

I played my first live set on saturday night. it was at the quality burrito, from one am till about two. jean asked me to cover his set while he checked out some hard core show. i was increadibly nervous, but i knew this time would come eventually, i just wasn't expecting it so soon. the live set was a variation from my radio show set ::

november 08 two thousand and eight on 98.5 fm free radio olympia
ten pm till midnight


miss broadway - belle epoque (ian carry rmx)
teenage color - college (anoraak rmx)
sweet child of mine - flat pack (mylo edit)
too high - high life
hotdog - simian mobile disco (cosmo vitelli rmx)
chain gang - publicist
when we wer young - sneaky sound system (g.l.o.v.e.s. rmx)
dance - battles
what's a girl to do - bat for lashes

dj making puppy love

dream lover - the paris sisters
apples in stereo
laura - vincent gallo
jesus wants me for a sun beam - the vaselines
minniapolis - that dog
i wish you wouldn't say that - talking heads
sometimes i wish i were a boy - lesly gore
all i can do is cry - ike and tina


dreams - the cranberries
stars say no - hears of animals
nevereverever did - architecture in helsinki (yacht mix)
mouth erection - geneva jecuzzi
MDMH - add n to (x)
cross the dance floor - treasure fingers (chromeo rmx)
enjoy what you do - trackedemics (shadow dancer rmx)
shooting stars - bag raiders
heart beat - late of the pier
love to lover - joe yellow

and now something you cant attain emotionally with me, because im a hear broken heart breaker and no matter what i say to you're face, you mean nothing to me

to those who know i mean little to

you nodded your head to a beat, just maybe i played for you
you didnt leave the room even with all the energy i play for you
you call me sad, but you don't know the hills and depths of my heart
i can't bomb a hill but i've got walls covered with out planting my face
you hold me tight when you need something to stand against
when your balance is off i am steady resort
you weave your fingers into my hair like wool on a spool
the record you gave me plays over and over again
my head spins but when it rests in your hand it is calm
thanks for noticing i cry, i also bleed and some day i will die
but i don't think you're breathing or thinking the same pace as me
i walked a blister into my soul i walked it into my destiny
you carve sound out of your bass guitar, the mongols throat sing
but the vibrations are seeming to now break me
the opium in your face is a well kept pit of desperate
i cant leave with you looking at me like this

i could really tell you how many times ive cried over this but i know you only answer is to pass me the heroin pipe

and here's an art study that has nothing to do with how i feel right now
comparison:: troy vs something from will's feminest art book

and this was me on the day of the dead.. no i lost my soul a minute ago

Sunday, November 2, 2008

you're adventures arent like my adventures

and so i feel alone in this world. did i ever mention my passion towards being a disgruntled citizen? well, the disco doesn't play in my head twenty four seven like we would appreciate. and in the mean time, i am inundated with irritations from the world around me. i dont think it is favor of my health. i had a great adventure this halloween. and to be honest i only wanted brooke by my side most the time. no one else makes things that don't make sense tolerable. the rest of everything else, i just dont get. i heart you brooke n the adventures aren't as grand with out you...

things about not doing drugs:
you forget after seven years of heavy substance abuse, the little things. like the urgency for a jug of oj the morning after inducing extacy into your system. now you wake up with a desire to jump out of the nearest building, and only later does it hit you that maybe this is suppossed to be this way. that there's no way you can go on living the same with the subtraction of neurons in your brain that once made it happy place. so why don't you give up? give up...

i made pumkin soup today, its dia de los muertos by the way. you know how i love spending quality time in a kitchen making loving substanence. but its a knife to the heart when it goes unappreciated. i almost feel like i felt after food not bombs under i forty five bridge and getting a banana peel thrown in my face.. ok that was exageration! but some activists have little appreciation for things that come from the heart... i guess maybe thats my own biased interpertation. but really when was the last time one of them told me i was ok. just ok how i am..

this is going no where you should stop reading