Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Hands down, the grouch and eligh are the best rappers alive... lil wayne has yet to experience this...
as an artist, its an excuse to torment ourselves into experiencing everything in the world. the truth is very few artists actually go there.. they skim the surface and maybe wade a toe... i lived like that for a minute.. but the consequences of my actions have been made too clear that i see truly the depth that i sit at.. i may be just under the surface, but i have yet to lift my head for a breath again.
i go to great lengths to feel nothing but the pain. the happiness to me is the most fleeting feeling. i felt it when i met that savage farm boy.. some degree of warmth inside myself. and it was fleeting and painful when he made up his mind.
but the fact is, drugs will always be there for me, where humans can leave, there is always a constant...
i'd like to say feeling that warmth was worth it. but i know the destructive pain that was pursued in it's quake, will follow me forever. people keep telling me that i must think differently. that i am beautiful and that i have worth. but they don't see the bruises on my aura that will be there forever. they dont know how many times needles have been to my veins. i may have some great potential and i will change the world! but there is no one that can be on this path with me, my self destructive experiences are not for the weak of heart. its amazing that i can only see greatness coming from great pain. you'd think i'd find another way, but in the end i will be free from this, and you will have my experiences to know better from


In the center of a man
there's a god with a plan
you can call me a fan
in a minute i could benefit
with talkin to a spirit
on a plane in a heart that's gold
caught with the ways of indigen
and fiction of the mind
you can picture me a tenant of the streets
no longer wanna be
victim of invisible inhabitant
in my habitat fathom the pain
killer killin me
you're takin me for everything that i own
tell ya man
it's all about the freedom that i gain
recognizin all the evil spirits on the road
to recovery / i'll never be alone
found my home / any zone that i want
pick it up and ship it down
i'm tryin to slang hope
like a guy slang dope
and i know what you're goin through my brother
gotta find your way back to the light
and i'm right here

standing on the other side
with my hands out
looking out the window of an independent person
never looking the demon in his eyes
i don't give a fuck if you're the dopest one alive
everybody needs a little help in the end
you probably take a little help from a friend
then here's this song
and to keep you strong
keep going

I know you wanna stop
I know you wanna feel

Fightin the demons inside
i hit the cement and i
cracked my head open wide
perhaps the bed that i'd lied in
well i made it and i hate it too
when i look back, see god smilin
cause i made it through
like i faded you literally
almost see-through
i ain't unscathed fresh out the cave
bloody black and blue
it's muddy / you can judge me
hell, i'd probably judge too
when i say it wasn't me
it really wasn't really true
the trap it zapp'd my power
and i showered in the sin
cowered in the darkness
somethin louder from within
spoke / now every pen stroke is a gift
and i'm not a myth
there really is hope kid
take a shot at this

[Grouch talking]
when you hit that deep dark place
you feel the walls closin in
the damn devil got you by the balls
god's at the end of the hall
and you just can't see
well reach down into the pit of your very existence
and visualize that childhood innocence
you know that purity we all once had
then turn the stereo volumes to 9.8 on the Richter
and feel this here


Someone teach me the way
I don't know how

Someone show me the way
I wanna stop
I don't know how

teach me the way to stop...

i wanna stop
i wanna feel
i wanna feel
i wanna feel again
i wanna stop

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