while other people sleep at night

i am cursed to lie awake and experience the pain of it all. and the day light hours slip away like petals on a wilting rose. sometimes people will longingly pluck away certain petals to make the time seem less idle, yet still it peals me apart. i feel like i can destroy every relationship around me, and not in the same way of burning the bridges to my island. i call the dearest people to me! i go through the black book based on levels of sanity and clarity and motivations. and even the ones i feel hold truest to my ways.. leave me be, alone. i cry at night to keep myself from eating and i eat at night to keep myself from crying and niether is beneficial to my health.