de(a)dication /// rezolution

i have spent most of my last few years going to festivals, some how also managing to finish a degree (a bachelors of festivals of course)... i have volunteered at so many wonderful fests, vended so many others more! been a vendor coordinator, a photographer, a preformer, art gallery coordinator, promoter, and down right party goer! it has been a truly amazing blessing to meet so many amazing people, work with some of the best people ever in one of the best ever industries of the universe! i have been inspired by so many fellow artists, musicians, performers, dreamers, and healers! you each touch my heart profoundly! i am in a very different place from when i first started down that path and much love to those who have touched my heart along the way, to those who have healed me and helped me! i am looking to give back in such a capacity i have never experienced before. I am looking to do so much more! I will hone my craft for you! i am but a humble servent in hopes to hold your heart! and to captivate your passions! and inspire youre wildest dreams! i hope to bring my art to you in ways i have not even imagined myself yet! here is to wishful thinkings! and the year of the horned beast!

Soft fluffy fresh powder

Natural rock stacks and

My bathroom is the hottest room on the lot

On health and diets and figures

I find myself terribly self-conscious about my body image at times, spoiler alert I should have posted this on evergreen confessions.... I think I'm brainwashed to believe I'm fat and then I think about dieting, then I fear the only place I will lose anything from are my tits! Dear Goddess I am so grateful for my breasts, I was less than an A cup till I was 23! Now I just wear a low cut shirt and people give me things for free! I have also been brainwashed to believe this is acceptable and I should never have to work for anything!  Far too much washing of this brain... I have been actively working daily to reverse these ideas. I remember being a dancer with eating disorders and an even worse body image. But Goddesses come in every shape and size and we are all beautiful, old and young, wrinkled or taunt . Every day I find a part of my body I am thankful for and then I love it with exercise and nutritious food!

Affinity for trees

   Do you remember the first time you fell in love ? do you remember when something for the first time went wrong? Do you ever remember being envious of the trees because surely they never had to have feelings like these? Do you remember wanting to be able to put down roots and stretchout your leaves? Do you remember wanting to grow old providing great and glorious shade for two lovers to meet and grow old together under? for them to have children of their own to grow up and play under your shade? Those initial feelings of love and loss they will come and go. However the way you feel about the trees and their simple life will never go away

Rocky Mountain high

I'll be up in the Rocky Mountain high soon enough! The mountains of my blood line, from generations back settling in southern foothills in the frontier days of New Mexico, to my parents both being raised in Colorado and meeting in Denver, these mountains hold the stories of my ancestors and I am grateful to be heading home to them and starting my own story in the most northern US Rockies of Montana

duh duh dun

i got the truck all cleaned out and now im ready to get it repacked for the next big adventure. i don't feel like im ready but i also don't feel like i have any reason to stick around...... i guess you can come see me and say bye at the Friday! // Solstice Insomnia with Desert Dwellers, Perkulat0r + more
show!!! BubbleGunk will be vending with a few things from To Catch A Ray Crystals latest collection!!! and i might snap some pics before i leave so i have something to remember you all by. oh my heart is breaking to know that my impending departure of the northwest is coming so soon. im scared of being alone on the open road and with no direction, but it also excites me to no end!
I remember the time Prof. Curtis left Houston to go back to school in Chicago, oh how my heart was broken over the loss of my best friend and inspiration. I couldn't imagine my art being as great with out his influence. A part of me is scared that traveling like this will just produce the same feeling constantly. Will I be constantly trampled by my enamoured feelings each time I make a new best friend? Will I truly be able to carry all of their hearts with me? And will coping with loss ever get easier.
Do I enjoy some sort of sick torture that I must do this to myself over and over again.
The bonds I formed in Olympia have grown too strong and I must break them.  It was with you that I lost myself, and then with you that I also found where that little girl was hiding and it was with you that she truly became the woman goddess that was always inside of her. Does the scar tissue on the heart make it stronger?
So if I travel onward and all we have left are inperfect memories, know always that you have left a thumb print on my soul. My novel can not be complete with out the chapter on you! whoever you are, whoever you were to me, and wherever we go, unconditional love does exists because of us!

maybe ill visit chicago... that's a place i have yet to exist before

holdin onto your heart
has made me want 
to let go of everything
im holdin on to
in between all of this
do you wanna hold onto me
well i dont even want to know
the difference between
black and white for you
but you know that
in between is
a better place for me

I guess I have a blog for a reason

mostly to tell people all the things I want to tell them but are too rude to say to their faces. FUCK YOU ALL! sometimes I am definately from Tejas. I  can't fucking stand my friends sometimes but I love them to death. They make me. Sometimes it's just people in general, the consciousness is too much. I completely understand that nothing I feel means anything. And yet I'm constantly attracted to having these people in my life. It's how they make me feel. In  a good way. 

performance arts

are a way to live the light for because if you don't shine bright enough you cant even see.

this hitt really close to home. so many levels. as an addict. as a performer! i need to get back to my roots....

http://www.hulu.com/watch/584945

On the Quest... and Meds

sometimes, it's that I'm on the quest for meds... sometimes.
I was first prescribed medicine for mood swings when I was 16. I was on a plethora of pills. Something to help my arthritis in my back (I know, at 16 !!!) something to help my sleep and something to help my mood swings. By the time I was 19 I didn't really feel anything at all. Looking back it is all kind of funny. I was a teenager. Things change, your body changes, there are growth spurts and hormones all running a muck of what you were once used to. My parent's answer was to medicate me. Too bad we couldn't have conceived of medical marijuana in the state of Texas ten years ago. I am surprised to see legislation with that happening all over America now. I am also learning more and more about other natural pathic medicines to help with my conditions. A little over a week ago I had another nasty case of the mania bi-polar mood swings that I have been a silent sufferer from for the last ten years. Of course not so silent if you could hear the things I say when I'm afflicted.

.... I stayed the course though. There's no way this chica is gona decalcify her penial gland while taking prescription pills. 

Hillstomp Live at Rhythm and Rye March 21 2014

assumptions

you would think by now i would have hardened my heart up enough
im used to the dust kicked up in my eyes
you'd think by now my sockets would have ran dry
you would think by now i would have ran out of tears to cry

I've fallen and I can't get up

Mad in love...
I hate it.
But im deep in it.... it was basically love at first sight.
I'm a half year into it.
Constant struggle to keep my wits about me.
If he is the one for me, my partner, down the road this won't matter.  But I can't handle this again that is for sure. I will be asbtinate for the rest of my life if he leaves me. It will be my last. I do not care to do this again that is for sure. Unless the Goddess settles me on a more kind soul than the one I know now. The risk of another loser is not worth the trouble they will cause.
Either way, I have art and my career to be at my side. He gives me everything, including my space. I need to love to give him his.
 I must outgrow the pains and struggles to master the medium. I must make falling in love like falling in love with a process. 

Envision Workshops!

workshops for ENVISION 2014

Setting Intentions

Oh man!! I am about to embark, ok I still have about a month before I head to PURA VIDA!!!! aka Costa Rica!! lush tropical! coconut! waves! sandy beaches! babes! and monkeys!! ohhhh and of course
I am so blessed to be experiencing Envision Festival, one more time! I will try and capture my experience to the best of my ability and bring that home to share with all my phriends and phamily, via FREE LIFE ENTERTAINMENT!!!! check us out at www.befreewithus.com !!

Envision 2014!!!!

I am in disbelief that this could be my life. and yet, here I am!   So what does this all mean? I wish I could explain it to you now, best for me to just go with the flow, document as best I can, and bring it back with me. 

Stay tuned for furthur updates .. one love!

this again

i wake up dope sick from your affection
i dont know how to put it into words how you leave me feeling
everytime i see you, i think it may be the last, ive never felt that way before with someone
it makes me feel hopeless

loving some one from afar is increadibly masochistically satisfying
i wish i could understand this better

turning it over in my mind again

could i have your heart
could i have your hand
just for a little while
while this sun sets
and these leaves turn
quick before the frost sets in
before the flora falls to the dirt
decomposes and mushrooms consume
before my energy is
inconsumable by your hand
you could pick me up then
put me in your mouth
you can have my gills and spores
and my mind trip too
my hands will have slipped away
just like the melodies
my heart hummed to you
can you dip your vibration into mine
put a current in my rhythm
let my high tides rise to you

pleasing the eye

i get picky about the little things in my art. little things like angles. and whether or not they are pleasing to me (as if one can derive pleasure from an angle). the most vexing thing to me is a triangle. its grace, and perfection. its appeal, the golden ratio. all of it, keeps me awake at night as to how i can solve these and other problems of slope and rise. colors pallates not so much. these solutions come more naturally to me. its instinct and intuition. where as the angles i am so more inclined to allow them to fall into fates hands. but maybe i can control it?

loving you from afar

lately, my visions have been about interdimensional travel with you. the nightmares are just physical material paranoias based on this plane of existence. they don't count for our lives in the past together. they seem to be more about how we are growing past this life together. i feel as though when we communicate clearly we make leaps and bounds and all the space in between is like the blissfull sunrise on a jamaican beach. not because of you, but with you my personal growth is immense. the mirror is there for my love to be reflected. i think it is becoming all to clear to me that my ascension is only possible when everyone else can also make it. the more minds we free, the freeer we shall be. after all we are collective consciousness. you and i are just a seed. one light on the grid. but as we ignite other lights around us do too!

get inspired~!!!

i had such a great time at envision festival last year! i am definately going back! ticket information here

http://www.2014.envisionfestival.com/