the empty field

I'm sick of this perpetually empty field. 

I miss walking on moon dust powder fluffing up around me. 

I miss the infinite field. I miss your hand.

There used to be so much inbetween you and I.

The distance made me sick, 

the distractions sent my head spinning.

Now there is nothing, this is emptiness. 

This heart I have keeps beating, 

but only to perpetuate this convenience of life.

The inbetween the beat lulls longer these days.

The ghost inside of me is now more human than I am.

The weightlessness is becoming heavy. 

too cold to feel

Ice cold rain drops soak through to my brain
ice cicle nuerons fire my synapses frozen
dripping down my face and pin needles into my eyes
my body so numb and too cold to cry
i wonder how it will feel in the end
is that when i will finally be content
at what degree does the heart muscle stop beating?
and when does it stop feeling?
when the ice age comes my in ability to feel should proove useful

ghostly embodied

months after you left i could smell you in my bed

see the indent on my pillow where you laid your head

these small details would induce flashbacks

of the way your skin felt touching mine

i could feel the weight of your hand on my hip once again

when will this consciousness shift begin

when will i be untrained to your familiarity like i had been

of all the realities

at the beginning there is hey, id like to get to know you

but before the evening is even close to ending we know which road youve gone down

or youve gone down on him funny how he knows how to tell you what to do

slide your hand in to the pocket of lovers and lies

see if you can pull anything out worth keeping around or even flipping for odds

heads this will last forever, tails youre taking one more for the team

the true joy of this all is that will last forever and you are taking one for the team

you make the decisions in this choose your own adventure

pg. 51 you find yourself under a bridge by some train tracks making track marks along the path of your veins until theres no life in you left to live

pg. 21 youre looking at yourself in the mirror in your five bedroom house filled full of emptiness, a heart that strains to live outside the white picket fence, and a cabinet full of pills not recommended to mix with liquor

where is the in between?

i am meditating under a tree and on either side of me are these lives i might have lived, they intertwine themselvse into the branches of this tree. there are several paths around me but only one trunk of the tree

smmmnnnn

i want to know what happened

what went through your head

that after a week with out you

came back to me dead

kissing your lips to me

was the softest surprise

like a finger print left there

i can feel your lip stain residue

playin dress up in your room

we were treasures for ourselves

not to care for the rest of the world

what made you want to change

do you know that with out you

all there inside of me is empty

i want to hold your face again

as you braid our hair together

more on space and time

i saw the day time sky

open up to reveal

all the universe around me

i felt so small

under this great tree of life

you say its quite a shame

i havent put in my time

you say i've got an

awfully long way to go

im staring at our future

where you and i are ghosts

we are gas burning hot

we are energies of light

its almost as if

i can step out into it

the pathless road

the journey for me

has no distance

no measure i can know

my name is light

i can only breath and keep breathing

i can not heal the past

i can cry enough, to experience

that i am not light

i want to hold my ancestors in my arms

i want to heal them

my tears are blood

i want to shed all my life for them

those that in their life did not actively try to heal the earth

but they gave to me their blood and their genes

i want to be light

my god given name

and yet i can not shed enough

i want the pores of my skin to bleed light

and yet there is not enough to heal the earth

everything that i am

to heal

and yet i am alone in the cold darkness

this universe

will exist even with out light