photographing courtenay in priest point park

best day ever!

music: la roux, sally shapiro, tiger baby, glass candy, chromatics, and classical composers

weather : rainy all morning, snow in the after noon

movies : based on very well written and acclaimed novels

fashion : white lace dress, black knit leggins, burgandy cardigan, chanel glasses, leopard head wrap, gold lace heart earrings, tweed nike kicks

read: bukowski - the most beautiful woman in town

writing : showmancy short narrative

sitting : by the fire look out over the muddy blue bay

drinking : coffee, two creams three sugars

cooking: roast on top of carrots, shallots, potatoes

art to enjoy by : sonya gracia and rudy fig

poem of today's week

choices to take back and reasons to regret

letting him call from my number

saying yes to your stupid question

taking that tequila shot from you

going into the men’s bath room

letting you into see the rest of me

you close the door behind you

i put the toilet seat down to sit

you’re too afraid to kiss me

maybe it won’t be able to last

but you take a picture any way

to keep your point of view of me



you write my name on that wall

next to your heart for all to see

like a public display of affection

my ways of love are incomparable

no doubt i can only disappoint you

i can feel the fear you feed to me

slow and steady to avoid over dose

so i continue to lust for more

just as soon as i’ve had too much

you will unwind every thread in me

till i’ve unbound myself completely



should i have believed all of you

your elaborate reasons to why

i so easily accept your direction

a loss to my natural discriminations
to keep myself wound so close
you broke skin to peel me apart

just to leave me draped in wounds

your obscure and obscene ghost
of an art piece you meant to leave

mid marchish

things to think about!
tonight playing music at the quality burrito was great, i didn't see people i expected to see, and i saw people i never expected to! it was truly fated. yeah i ran out of different bands to play by the end of the four hours, but i didnt repeat any tracks. i may be alone in this place and the fight for a soul mate is fleeting to me, but im have the best time of my life and im in a place i never really considered being and its taken so long to get here, but now, peace, its here at last at least

ack gag!

so before in my life i allowed my self certain little obsessions. Something I was in no way prepared to allow myself these days. i am almost lost at a point that i believe, it may not be worth it to myself to express my true self. so far i have detached myself from anything that feels natural. maybe its all wrong, maybe i am too experienced to have an exploratory experience ever again.

i maybe think its my head exploding

the sun is coming down through the clouds in the west, with the rain, these are perfect rainbow conditions. I often view olympia as a hotspot for rainbows. never in my life have i lived under such frequent, prefect, and often double rainbows. both ends with in thurston county limits. regardless wether or not a rainbow may occur today, its often, but not THAT often. I love watching the line of horizon the tops of the evergreens make, cutting into the clouds in the sky. so here's the point of view: despite the forewarning sense of failure that will come over me if don't get into tesc and must complete one more quarter at the south puget sound cc, despite being entirely alone in my mental journey, despite my lack of appetite towards social interaction and time outside, despite my lack of attendance at school and at dance parties, despite my lack of substance intake and abuse... i am having the time of my life.... breath.... i am listening to the most influential and exploratory music ive ever heard in my entire life. my heart seems to break nearly every single day. and in the place of the fracture i am mended by a new sound blowing my mind. i need to expose this experience to the world through an artistic outlet, which is why i want to be at evergreen. which is why i need a studio, which is why i need to see people.

my recent playlist

make experiments with playlists, sort of comes with the djing territory (free radio olympia 98.5)

:

adult.
amazing baby
bat for lashes
be your own pet
the bravery
catpower
chairlift
chromatics
the cranberries
the duke spirit
eisley
empire of the sun
geneva jacuzzie
glass candy
goldfrapp
hearts of animals
hearts revolution
interpol
julie ruin
the knife
ladyhawke
late of the pier
le tigre
lykki li
metric
Mgmt
New Young Pony Club
Redbear.
Sally Shapiro
sonic youth
steed lord
stereo lab
the stranglers
these are powers
thieves like us
tom tom club
triobelisk
uffie
the vaselines
walter meego
yeasayer

this should get me through the next few days or so, then time to change it up again.

thanx for the influx

i'd like to post a poem every week

every day really, but i believe that could be excessive.
im trying not to get ahead of my self. i have the best camp ever coming up.

first poem

you talk to me slowly

about elliot smith

his six albums

before i ever listened



and i can’t breath

every time i step out
side of inside of me

you say it may be mold allergies


it may be wrong

the way this seems to me

all it was, you were

slow talking to me

lifeless lifelike

i spent at least a week in bed plus a few days.
sprained my ankle bleehhhhhh

today though courtenay came to visit and brought me out and we walked underneath a double rainbow to marathon lake. it was a really great afternoon. sunset at the bread peddler with a glass of chardonnay.